(photo credit: Lachlan Donald via Unsplash)
By Jack Calhoun
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Remember how many times someone asked you that question when you were a kid? There you were, minding your own business as you played on the floor with your Legos, when some random adult threw what seemed like one of life’s most vexing questions at you.
The funny thing is, most kids don’t find that question vexing at all. Because, when we’re young, we don’t feel the weight of expectations when we think about what we want to be. Our imaginations run free and we aren’t bound by the constraints of what’s practical and sensible. Or even possible.
Growing up in the ‘60s and ‘70s, most kids wanted to be an astronaut, or a professional athlete, or maybe a famous performer. Then there was my little brother, who, when he was four-years-old, informed us he wanted to be a lamb when he grew up. (Now he’s in commercial real estate. Some dreams die harder than others.)
But then you got older, and your critical thinking skills evolved, and you realized that being an astronaut required some serious science and math skills, and also seemed really dangerous. And it turned out being a professional basketball player was going to be a longshot considering you were 5’-10” and had a 14” vertical leap. And you realized that 99% of actors aren’t famous but are really good at bartending.
And so, as you moved out of adolescence, you left your childhood fantasies on the floor with your Legos, constrained your once-vivid imagination and got realistic. You found your way into a career that allowed you to capitalize on your strengths and afford the kind of life you wanted to provide for you and your loved ones.
Maybe you loved your career, or maybe you tolerated it. But you gave it everything you had, and over time a funny thing happened: Your career became, not just what you did, but who you were.
Don’t buy the ticket on the Decline Railway
This happens to most of us after we’ve devoted decades of our life to our career. Psychologists call it enmeshment, wherein our identity gets completely tangled up in what we do for a living. We don’t “practice law.” We’re “lawyers.” Or accountants, or sales reps, or whatever.
This tendency to wrap our identities up in what we do for a living often serves us well in our careers. It gives us a sense of pride, belonging, and accomplishment, all of which advances us up the corporate ladder. Over the years, our titles get fancier, our income grows higher, and it all serves to reinforce our subconscious belief that we are our careers.
This isn’t great from a mental health perspective, though, because it sets you up for an existential freefall when your career inevitably winds down. After all, if you are what you do – who are you when you don’t do that thing anymore?
This is why retirement in the conventional sense ends up being a long, slow ride down the Decline Railway for most people. When your career is over, the thinking goes, you aren’t supposed to “be” anything anymore. You’re just…retired. It’s not a statement of identity; it’s a state of existence.
Without the sense of identity your career gave you, you lose your sense of purpose and accomplishment – and that’s when the slide begins.
What do you want to be when you grow?
This isn’t inevitable, though. In fact, leaving your career behind provides an amazing opportunity to reset and reframe both who you are and what your next act is going to be. It’s all about your mindset.
So let’s revise and revisit the question we began with: What do you want to be when you grow?
When we’re kids, we think “growing up” is an end in itself. But when we become adults, we realize there is no “up” at all – because we never stop growing. Who you are today isn’t who you were 10 or 20 years ago, and it’s not who you’ll be 10 or 20 years from now. So start rethinking what your next act can – and will – be like.
Here are three tips to help you get started:
1. Get in touch with your Future Self: A growing body of research indicates that having a clear and compelling vision of your future self is vital both to attaining your goals and to being happy in the present moment. When you have an inspiring vision of who you’re going to be in the future, you feel purposeful in the present and excited about where you’re going. Without that future- based vision of yourself, you inevitably default to just sort of existing day-to-day, and that’s when the slide begins.
Take the guardrails down and let your imagination run free. Dream big, or at least dream different. Forget about your past career, because that’s only the “what,” not the “who.” Why let your prior career constrain what you can do and who you can be going forward?
2. Realize the world needs your wisdom: Today, we are drowning in information but sorely lacking for people to help us make sense of it. This is where your vast wealth of experiences pays off. In so many areas of your life, you’ve already been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.
But there are countless others behind you who are just entering into the same challenges you’ve already successfully navigated. So take a few minutes and make an inventory of the experiences you’ve had and the lessons you’ve learned that can be of incredible value to others. Did you grow a successful business? Manage teams like a ninja? Raise a special-needs child? Overcome a physical challenge or health crisis and learn how to thrive in spite of it (or even because of it)?
These are just a few examples of the kinds of wise guidance you can provide others who are coming behind you, and who are craving the wisdom you can share with them. Your history is full of these experiences – that’s why you want to go deep and really think about what you know and what you can share.
3. Embrace the opportunity: There’s never been a better time in human history to reinvent yourself and devote yourself to something that you love doing, has value to others, and keeps you engaged and feeling accomplished and worthy. The incredible advancements in technology in recent years allow you to work how you want, where you want and with whom you want – and to scale your enterprise as much or as little as you want. You don’t have to have a lot of investment capital. You don’t have to be a road warrior. And you don’t need to go back to school (unless you want to).
So get back on the floor with your Legos and let your imagination out of timeout for the first time in 30 years. Your next chapter after your first career is over can be the most exciting and rewarding of your entire life, and there’s never been a better time to reinvent yourself.
The most important thing is not where you’re going – it’s that you keep growing.
